


smoke

by BladeOfOlympus



Series: Alex/Alek stuff [3]
Category: Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard - Rick Riordan
Genre: 469 (nice) words of angst, Lex is sad, This Is Healthy Coping Right?, Tyr!Alex (Lex), does some screaming, wants a Cig
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 01:42:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15232590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BladeOfOlympus/pseuds/BladeOfOlympus
Summary: Godswap2.0 Alex has some Feelings(TM)





	smoke

Lex wanted a smoke. 

Unfortunately, this was an urge they'd had before, even on this same roof. Staring up at the cloudy gray sky, gravel digging into their shoulder blades and hips, surrounded by graffiti and regrets, they thought they could understand why people smoked. The idea of breathing in, and physically being able to see your exhale... it was tempting when you didn't feel alive. It would be proof, the smoke drifting up to merge with the solemn clouds. Evidence that they were  _here_. That the numbness would someday disappear. They wanted that  _so badly._

They hoped they'd never be desperate enough to give into that urge. They might have, if their grandpapa hadn't violently discouraged them, right before he died of lung cancer. Their grandpapa had been the one person in Lex' life to actually love them, and Lex didn't want to turn to the thing that had killed him. Never.

The cracking of their back overwhelming the gravel falling off of it, Lex sighed and slowly sat up. It'd only been a day since that stupid dare had apparently ruined whatever had been blossoming between them and Julian, but it felt like a lifetime. And despite assuring Allie that they were over it, they still could feel a bit of anger about the whole thing. Not just about Allie, no, when was it ever that simple? It was just the  _dares_. It was always like this. Someone said simple challenge that Lex couldn't ignore and everything went to shit. And no one  _listened_ when they tried to explain! 

Lex pushed themself to their feet, face twisting in barely suppressed anger. All their life, they'd done their best to do what they wanted, they'd  _fought_  for free will. And someone could rip that away from them in just one sentence. Lex stormed over to the edge of the roof, fuming. Tyr, god of justice and law. That was their dad.

"HOW IS THIS  _JUSTICE?!"_  They screamed at the sky from the edge. "WHAT DID I DO TO JUSTIFY  _ANY_  OF THIS?!"

"Shut up!" Someone from the street yelled.

"FUCK OFF!" Lex replied, tears welling. They wiped at them violently with the back of their hand, stepping back from the edge. "Fuck.  _Goddammit,_ Lex _._ You're better than this!"

They let out a strangled sob, stumbling and then sinking to their knees, repeating some broken form of what they'd just said. Tears came hot and fast, overwhelming them and drowning out everything else. Lex clenched their fist, lifted it, slammed it down into the gravel over and over until their knuckles bled; and then they lifted their face to the sky and  _screamed_. All their emotions, all 17-going-on-18 years of pent up anger and frustration and sorrow, everything, poured out of their mouth.

Hours later, they stared up at the sparkling stars, exhausted.

Lex wanted a smoke.


End file.
